The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
