Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
