On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
