remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
