I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
