i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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