My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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