i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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