I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
