i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
