Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
