The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
