i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
