My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
