I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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