i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I smell stomach acid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
