Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize