Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
