she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your shirt... Was in my pants
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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