My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
