hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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