Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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