Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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