just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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