I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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