He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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