that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
