it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
