Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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