no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
