I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
