it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
