also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
