ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
