there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
