wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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