Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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