there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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