White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
