Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
