I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How does it feel to date your dad?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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