I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
