After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
