thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
