We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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