Whod you bang
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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