Need sex. Gaining weight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"