i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize