Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
whose parrot is this?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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