yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
