you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What a dumb baby whore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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