For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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