I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
PANTIES FOUND
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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