All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
