Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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