I just threw up on my dentist
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
