Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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